I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
