these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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