There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
