I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
