u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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