fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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