Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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