I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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