I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
