Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize