he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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