Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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