I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
