My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
