I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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