He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
