Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
