We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
