Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
