and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
