I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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