I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
