Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize