It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
