You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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