Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if only i could text you this smell
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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