it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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