What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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