Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
