Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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