dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
