***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Small penises have feelings too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
