I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
