I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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