all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
