If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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