Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
