My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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