my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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