Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
