i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
