In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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