A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
