Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
