In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
