all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
