hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
