I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
