People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
