i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
