He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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