my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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