can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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