I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
