whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
