What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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