I wish I could teleport
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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