whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
