this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
