just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
