New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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