i think my tv is drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
