Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
