everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
