I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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