this boner is exhausting
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
