M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
