when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
