i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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