So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
