FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
