apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
