Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
