I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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