Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
