Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
