That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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