You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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