if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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