normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
