The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
