areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
