did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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