I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
