I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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