My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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