i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
