Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
