Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
