Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
