The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
