I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
